Secluded_Mother

Why is it that life has to be so difficult for some and then so easy for others? What am I doing wrong that makes me not have any friends?  I mean, I have my sister and my sister-in-law(I don't talk to either hardly enough), I have my "Mom"(she's a friends mom that I have gotten really close to).  I talk to my "Mom" more than anyone else.  I don't even talk to her daughters very much at all any more.  Rarely.  I talk to Brittany sometimes but, not often enough.  I have people I work with that I rarely talk to outside of work.  I just don't get it.  I mean, I am a good person.  I don't do anything to make people dislike me.  So, why don't they like me? I just don't get the world.  I need to get out and about.  Maybe that's my deal.  I'm not out enough.  I'm so sad(not sad emotionally, just sad). ***CHANGING SUBJECT*** I went over to Amy's for a little while today.  Just felt like talking to her.  We have been meaning to make a play date for a while now just haven't gotten to it yet.  Well, Marissa, when I was leaving blew me a kiss bye.  For her first time ever!!!  It makes me excited because the first time she said bye was to me too.  She loves me.  I don't see her often enough.  I have to make plans for tomorrow evening to go to her house for supper.  Need to.  Miss them so much. Well, enough for now.  Gotta do a search for mommy and me classes in this neighborhood. ~Trish~

Well, he still hasn't drank. He says he doesn't even want to. He says he is happier now. I believe him. I just hope it stays this way. I hope that he sticks with it for our familys sake.

Both of us have new jobs, we are going to be moving to a better place, and we are getting his car fixed and getting one for me. Things seem to be getting much better. I am so happy about that. Just the thought of being this happy scares me. I don't want this to end but, I am afraid that it will and when it does I am going to take it hard. I am trying to not get my hopes up about this staying so good but, I like it this way and I like being happy so my hopes are way up there.

I am just happy.

(I still haven't started my period. Friday, the tenth, I am going to Planned Parenthood to get another[already taken three] pregnancy test and if it is negative I am going to get on birthcontrol. No babys for me.)

That I still haven't started. I don't think I'm pregnant though. I think it is just because I was on the pill for a lil while and because I had a baby not too long ago so, my body isn't back to normal yet. I hope it is soon so that I can stop worrying about it and so that I can start on birthcontrol again.

thats all that I forgot to say...

Trish

I've started dieting. I want to get back to being myself. I'm doing the atkins diet. I know people who have lost 15lbs in the first two weeks. I need to loose weight so bad, I want to be able to wear a swimming suit without clothes over it this summer at the all girls campout. I just want to have my old body back. I hate being so heavy. I weigh 189lbs now. I am not going to weigh myself again for two weeks. I want to know what I weigh now but, I have to have will power. If I weigh myself now then I will get discouraged. I don't want that to happen. I just want to feel good about myself.

I am so tired. Hopefully this weekend I get to sleep in. I haven't done that in... hmmm... maybe three months. Interupted sleep sucks. Its like I don't sleep but, four hours a night. It will be ok, I will eventually get some good sleep.

Well, that's all for now. I'm gunna go rest on the couch.

Trish

I'm rather sad tonight. My best friend Heather is going to move to Texas. Not till the end of summer but, I will miss her so much. I feel like she is my only friend now except for Karen and Amy but, they are my sisters(one's an inlaw) and they don't count. I don't want her to leave. I feel that she and I could be friends for a long time and I wouldn't have to deal with her giving up on our friendship or finding a guy and forgeting about me. I don't know I'm just sooo depressed about it. Every time I think about it I want to cry.
She and I went to see Brokeback Mountain yesterday. It was boring at the beginning but, then it got better. It was an ok movie. I wouldn't buy it to own.
I still haven't started. I don't need to be pregnant. Adam keeps saying that I am. I have been feeling awfully funny lately and today I was sooo exhausted. It was terrible. I am actually going to get off of here so that I can go lay down and go to sleep, I'm still tired.

Trish

Amy is going to get me a pregnancy test today. I really hope it is negative. I don't need another baby. Especially not now.
Adam was an ass last night. I don't understand him some times. I was so happy yesterday and then he comes home being mean to me. I missed him so much and for what? For him to come home and be pissy because he couldn't play a game. What the fuck, dude? O well. He'll get over it.
I'm glad Karen is staying with me. No matter what Adam says or how he feels about it. I'm happy. I've missed her.
Well, I think I might get a little nap in.

Trish

I think there is a slight possibility that I might be pregnant again. I really don't want to have anymore kids. Alyssa completes me. I don't need anymore. I mean, yeah I would love to have another one. I just can't afford it. Plus, it would be easier to give things to my kid that she needed if I didn't have to stretch my money between lots of kids, ya know? Well, the reason I think I might be pregnant... On the 20th of last month my husband accidently... you know. Well, I've been having strange dreams(maybe that's just because I am worried about being pregnant), I've been peeing a lot more lately, I don't get as full as I did a little while back, and I have been having funny feelings in my tummy(crampy type things but, not the kind you get with your period). O yeah and I just got indegestion and I never got that untill I got pregnant and as soon as Aly was born it went away. I need to not be pregnant.

Fuck. I'm done writing.

Baby needs me.

Trish

Today I am sitting here babysitting Marissa, my neice-in-law. I gotta remember to bring my camera with me over here tomorrow. I want to take some close up pictures of the girls. Like of their eyes and ears and noses and stuff. I wish I had a really good camera that I could do that with. The one I have is pretty good though.

I'm being pretty happy for now. Me and my husband, Adam, aren't fighting or anything. Lately we had been fighting a lot. It is only because we don't see each other anymore. He is going to try to find a new job so, we will see each other more soon, hopefully. I miss him so much.

Well, that is all for now.

Trishia